Adolf Hitler Quick Bio
A decorated veteran of World War I, Hitler joined the German Workers' Party, precursor of the Nazi Party, in 1919, and became leader of the NSDAP in 1921. In 1923, he attempted a coup d'état, known as the Beer Hall Putsch, in Munich. The failed coup resulted in Hitler's imprisonment, during which time he wrote his memoir, Mein Kampf (My Struggle). After his release in 1924, Hitler gained popular support by attacking the Treaty of Versailles and promoting Pan-Germanism, antisemitism, and anticommunism with charismatic oratory and Nazi propaganda. After his appointment as chancellor in 1933, he transformed the Weimar Republic into the Third Reich, a single-party dictatorship based on the totalitarian and autocratic ideology of Nazism. His aim was to establish a New Order of absolute Nazi German hegemony in continental Europe.
Hitler's foreign and domestic policies had the goal of seizing Lebensraum (living space) for the Germanic people. He directed the rearmament of Germany and the invasion of Poland by the Wehrmacht in September 1939, leading to the outbreak of World War II in Europe. Under Hitler's rule, in 1941 German forces and their European allies occupied most of Europe and North Africa. These gains were gradually reversed, and in 1945 the Allied armies defeated the German army. Hitler's supremacist and racially motivated policies resulted in the systematic murder of eleven million people, including nearly six million Jews."
Adolf Hitler Weapons
Short Range: Walther P38 Pistol
Medium Range: MP40 Submachine Gun
Long Range: MP44 Assault Rifle
Explosive: German Stick Grenade
Kim Jong Ill Quick Bio
Kim Jong Ill Weapons
Short Range: Makarov Pistol
Medium Range: Mini-Uzi Submachine Gun
Long Range: Type 68 AKM Assault Rifle
Explosive: RGD-5 Grenade
Who Got The Edge
Walther P38 vs Makarov: Both Pistols get the edge. They both have the same clip size (8 rounds), but the Makarov weighs less when unloaded (730g compared to the P38's unloaded weight of 840g), while the P38 has a longer barrel (125mm compared to the Makarov's barrel length of 93.5mm).
MP40 vs Mini-Uzi: Both Submachine Guns get the edge. They both have the same clips size (32 rounds) and effective range (100 meters), but the MP40 has a longer barrel (251mm compared to the Mini-Uzi's barrel length of 197mm), while the Mini-Uzi weighs less when unloaded (2.7kg compared to the MP40's unloaded weight of 4.03kg), and has a greater rate of fire (950 rounds a minute compared to the MP40's firing rate of 500 rounds a minute).
MP44 vs Type 68 AKM: The Type 68 AKM gets the edge. It's lighter (3.14kg compared to the MP44's weight of 5.22kg), has a higher rate of fire (600 rounds a minute compared to the MP44's firing rate of 500 rounds a minute), and has a higher ammo capacity (normally takes 30-round clips, but can also accept 40-round clips and the RPK's 75-round drum, while the MP44 can only take 30-round clips).
German Stick Grenade vs RGD-5 Grenade: The German Stick Grenade gets the edge. Much like the Chinese Stick Grenade (which is based off of the German grenade), the German Stick Grenade is packed with a greater amount of explosive material, and the stick keeps the grenade in place when it lands on the ground.
Common Quality
Insanity: Both of these warriors are incredibly insane. No one, whether historian or Holocaust survivor, can deny the madness that brewed within Hitler's mind. No only did he manage to manipulate an entire country into serving him, but he also slaughtered a large swathe of the Jewish people in an effort to advance his horrific goals. Though his goals didn't necessarily concern the entire world (just his neighbors and the US), Kim Jong Il is an equally insane leader. His list of deplorable actions include kidnapping South Korean film director Shin Sang-ok and his actress wife Choi Eun-hee in an effort to build a North Korea's film industry, viewing any slight deviation from his thinking from his ministers, party officials, and followers as a sign of disloyalty, and in general just acting very akward and mentally deranged.
Setup
It was a cold, dreary afternoon at the Reichstag. The forecast called for rain, and Mother Nature delivered. In his office at the top of the building, Adolf Hitler was looking out the window, and onto the soaked cityscape of Berlin. A streak of lightning flew across the sky, giving the otherwise gloomy city a quick glimpse of light. Hitler didn't like the light, as for some reason his eyes were quite sensitive today. After wiping his eyes, he heard a knock at the door. Sitting back down behind his deck, he beckoned the individual in.
"Fuhrer, I'm sorry if I was disturbing." the individual said.
"Not at all Rolf." replied Hitler. "I was just enjoying a silent moment. Is there something you need to tell me."
"Yes." replied Rolf. "Your one-o-clock appointment has arrived."
"Ah, Kim Jong-Il made it after all." said Hitler. "Send him in."
Rolf nodded. He closed the door, and 3 seconds later, Kim Jong-Ill and two Korean soldiers came walking in. Despite how short he was, it was apparent that he could go ballistic at any moment.
"Kim Jong-Il, it's a pleasure." said Hitler as he bent over his desk, and shook hands with the Korean dictator. "I hope that your trip wasn't unpleasant."
"If onry." replied Kim Jong-Il. "I terr you, my trip was terribre."
"Please say that again?" asked Hitler, doing the best he could to not laugh.
"Terribre." Kim Jong-Il said. "My trip was terribre."
"One more time." said Hitler, his urge to laugh was slowly increasing.
"I had a bad time coming here." replied a slightly irritated Kim Jong-Il.
"Sorry, I didn't mean any disrespect." said Hitler as he waved his hand. "Now, lets talk about this alliance plan of yours."
"Indeed, lets tark about it." Kim Jong-Il. "Arthough my country has arways reried on the principre of Juche, perhaps an arriance with a country that has simirar idears to ours." As Kim Jong-Il spoke, Hitler did all he could to hold in the laughter. After a few minutes, he finally had to let it out. Hitler let out a torrent of laughter that shook the room slightly. Kim Jong-Il wasn't amused in the slightest by Hitler's laughter, and he began to grit his teeth at him. Hitler saw this, and stopped laughing almost immediately. "Do you find my voice to be hirarious?" asked Kim Jong-Il angrily.
Hitler didn't laugh, but he let out a small chuckle. "Nein, I didn't find your voice to be funny at all." he replied.
"Then rets get back to our pran." Kim Jong-Il spoke. "I'rr bring some of the most fanaticar sordiers in the worrd. What I want to know is, what wirr you bring to the tabre?"
Once again, Hitler burst out laughing. As he was laughing, Kim Jong-Il was gritting his teeth again, but this time he was tightly gripping the arms of his chair, and his nails were carving scratches. Hitler heard this, and stopped laughing.
"Kim Jong-Il, I need to confess something." said Hitler as he wiped a tear from his eyes. "I didn't invite you here to listen to your alliance proposal."
"No?" Kim Jong-Il asked. "Then what the Herr did you invite me here for."
"A laugh." replied Hitler, still letting out a few giggles. "I am amazed than anyone takes you seriously. You look like a little kid with wrinkles, and the fact that your people find you intimidating just makes you look even more ridiculous."
With those last words, Kim Jong-Il suddenly rose up out of his seat. He began shouting at Hitler, and to the two soldiers who came into the office with him. A second later, the two soldiers drew Makarov pistols, and aimed them right at Hitler's head. "So Hitrer, do you have any finar words?" asked Kim Jong-Il.
"Nein." replied Hitler, all the while slowly creeping towards the Walther P38 that was under his desk. The Korean soldiers were slowly pulling the triggers of their pistols, but their speed proved to be their downfall. A hail of bullets came flying through the office door, and slammed right into one of Kim Jong-Il's soldiers, and the body fell right over the desk, landing next to Hitler as he hid under his desk.
Adolf Hitler: 5/Kim Jong-il: 4
Hitler rose up behind the desk, and tried to land a headshot on the other Korean soldier, but he only landed a grazing shoulder wound. As the soldier tumbled into his leader, Hitler made a way through the door, where he was greeted by Rolf and three other SS guards.
"Fuhrer, are you alright?" asked Rolf.
"I am." replied Hitler, who spent a moment to catch his breath.
"We're getting you out of here." said Rolf. "Your car is parked right outside. We need to leave..."
Before he could finish, two of Kim Jong-Il's soldiers came running down the hall to their right, firing their AKM right on Hitler and his men. One of the SS got right in front of Hitler, and took a few bullets for him.
Adolf Hitler: 4/Kim Jong-Il: 4
Hitler and the rest of the group made their way down the hall. Just before they were out of Kim Jong-Il's sight, Rolf took off the stick grenade that was hanging off of his belt, and primed it for detonation. When the Koreans got in range, Rolf threw the device right at them. Kim Jong-Il managed to duck into a supply closest, and did one of his soldiers, but the other two didn't find a place to hide. The grenade exploded, and sent shrapnel of metal and wood right into their bodies. One of the soldiers was simply thrown backwards into the wall, while the other had the misfortune of getting blown off of the railing.
Adolf Hitler: 4/Kim Jong-Il: 2
Hitler and the group saw the soldier's body fall down as they were heading towards the front door. Bullets coming from Kim Jong-Il and his last soldier went right through the glass door, stopping the escaping group in their tracks. The group then returned fire, with Hitler landing another grazing would, this time shooting a bullet into Kim Jong-Il. He dropped the Makarov pistol he was using, and ducked behind the railing. Meanwhile, the last soldier tended to his leader's wound, and was so enraged by the bloody sight, he stood up from behind cover, and threw a RGD-5 grenade at Hitler and the group. One of the SS guards pushed everybody outside, and jumped on the explosive to make sure that any shrapnel would be absorbed by him only. After 4 seconds, the explosive went off, and the SS guard fulfilled his final duty.
Adolf Hitler: 3/Kim Jong-Il: 2
Hitler, Rolf, and the last SS guard got to their leader's private car. Rolf and the guard were up in front, while Hitler sat in the back. Rolf turned the key, and the car roared to life. As they were speeding from the Reichstag, they saw Kim Jong-Il and his last soldier come out of the building. They turned around, and breathed a sigh of relief.
"Mein Fuhrer, are you alright?" asked Rolf.
"I've had better days." replied Hitler.
"We're taking you to the bunker." Rolf spoke. "You'll be safe there, and we'll deal with Kim Jong-Il."
As if on cue, a bullet came right through the car, and landed in the head of the SS guard sitting right next to Rolf. His body slumped forward, and the only thing that prevented him from falling completely over was the seatbelt that kept him in place.
Adolf Hitler: 2/Kim Jong-Il: 2
Hitler leaned out from his window, and saw the Kim Jong-Il and his last soldier coming up behind them in a stolen car. The soldier leaned out from his window, and fired off his AKM. Rolf swerved the car back and forth to make sure that the bullets didn't hit them, while Hitler was firing back. Through some stroke of luck, one of his shots knocked the AKM out of the soldier's hands, and another round went right through the throat of the soldier. The body was half slumped in his seat, while the other half was sticking out of the window, the bullet wound letting out a torrent of blood.
Adolf Hitler: 2/Kim Jong-Il: 1
Kim Jong-il slammed his hand against the steering wheel, and slammed his foot down on the gas. The car sped up, and eventually was driving alongside Hitler and Rolf. Hitler began firing at Kim Jong-Il, while his foe took his foot off of the gas, and the car slowed down and got out of range of Hitler's Walther P38. Kim Jong-Il then drove up Rolf's side, and started firing at him. Rolf started bashing his car against Kim Jong-Il, who still was driving right next to him. Getting fed up with all of this, Rolf took off another stick grenade, armed it, and tossed it into the car next to him. Kim Jong-Il saw the grenade enter the vehicle, but couldn't do a thing about it. 5 seconds later, the bomb went off, and engulfed the inside with flame, shrapnel, and screams.
Adolf Hitler: 2/Kim-Jong-Il: 0
Adolf Hitler: 666
Walther P38 Pistol: 75
MP40 Submachine Gun: 125
MP44 Assault Rifle: 300
German Stick Grenade: 66
Kim-Jong Il: 334
Makarov Pistol: 20
Mini-Uzi Submachine Gun: 180
Type 68 AKM Assault Rifle: 200
RGD-5 Grenade: 34
Ending Assessment: Though he was behind in technology, Adolf Hitler won this matchup due to his sheer insanity, and the fanaticism of his closest followers.
Strongest Weapon: Bringing in 300 kills, Hitler's MP44 takes the strongest weapon spot in this fight.
Weakest Weapon: With only 20 kills, Kim Jong-Il's Makarov is the weakest weapon in this matchup.
Next Fight: Teddy Roosevelt vs Herman Detzner
*For a more detailed account of Kim Jong-Il, look at the link below:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Jong-il
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